Simpli Bar & Bites Menu

  • Weekday Breakfast
  • Brunch Light Snacks and Sides
  • Brunch Salads and Soup
  • Brunch Breakfast Sandwiches
  • Big Brunch Breakfasts
  • Brunch Sandwiches
  • Light Bites
  • Soups and Salads
  • Sandwiches
  • Flatbreads
  • Tacos
  • Wings and Tenders
  • Sliders
  • Night Bites

Healthy Meal suggestions for Simpli Bar & Bites

  • Weekday Breakfast
  • Brunch Light Snacks and Sides
  • Brunch Salads and Soup
  • Brunch Breakfast Sandwiches
  • Big Brunch Breakfasts
  • Brunch Sandwiches
  • Light Bites
  • Soups and Salads
  • Sandwiches
  • Flatbreads
  • Tacos
  • Wings and Tenders
  • Sliders
  • Night Bites

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  • George W.

    Does anyone visit the Forest Hills area of JP before setting up a bar? No. They apparently don't. First there was the Tonic disaster and now we have Simpli. If you loved Opposite Day as a kid, this place is for you. What the eff is Simpli? It's not really a bar, they close at 11pm. Their menu works like a Monty Python sketch: They have lunch items for dinner and bites for lunch and bakery items for breakfast but who sits at a bar with a muffin top and a bloody mary and isn't on suicide watch? So we took the short walk from our house for lunch. The staff is really nice, so you get treated well while you sit there with your confused look on your face. I order a beer, the nice bartender lady explains it's in the walk-in and she'll be back. She comes back with a warm can of beer and hands me a chilled glass and explains I'll need it. Obviously the glass doesn't chill a completely warm beer...so either the walk-in was a lie or in Simplitown "walk-in fridge" means "sauna", which is quite possible. So my lady and I chat and peruse the menu. We're told most of the items are not for sale until dinner. No problem, lots of restaurants do this...except anything a person would want for lunch is on the dinner menu. Want a flat bread? Too bad: that's dinner material. PS: they refer to lunch as "afternoon bites" and dinner as "bar bites". So for lunch you can have one of four lame sounding deli sandwiches or one of three basic salads. We decided to sit and wait until 4 so we could get what most of the world calls lunch for dinner. We ordered some pork belly sliders and hung out. Simpli has what I call "Real Deal syndrome". There is a sandwich shop in JP called the Real Deal that employs what looks like about 40% of the world's population and yet it takes about a year to get your food. Simpli employs another 40% of the population. The remaining 20% are farmers, build cars, and wait for their damn food at Simpli. It took about 30 minutes to get our two sliders. The place was empty except for one other guy and the 49,498,763 employees hanging out. Maybe we stumbled into their xmas party. Simpli surely would celebrate it in June, so that makes sense. Our sliders emerge from the kitchen in the hands of the doofiest chef I have ever seen. He had a cut over his eye (probably from looking down the barrel of a BB gun for a clog) and had an awesome explanation. You see, they only had 2 buns left, and he in a moment of culinary zeal "knocked half of one into the marinara". So he did what any chef would do-carved a top roll half out of a slice of rye. He then turned around, stepped on a roller skate, rolled out of the restaurant and through a pane of glass that two guys were moving across the street, fell over and his face landed in dog doo. Ok, that last scenario didn't happen, but everything up to and including the bread carving did. Oh and by the way, the pork belly was not cut, shredded, or anything. You get a square of pork fat in a bun. It looked like a drawing of a sandwich a 5 year old would make with just a shape for filling. Getting back to the staff. They were all very nice, even Chef Doofy, but do they all need to hang out in the bar area? We were really outnumbered about 10 to one. The manager(?) sat next to us, ate a salad she brought from home, and was using her laptop. I bet if we stuck around she would have started a PowerPoint presentation on the wall. Perhaps in Simpli, the patrons eat in back and the staff chills out front? On June Xmas I bet that's the case. In my heart of hearts, on want this place to succeed as I live nearby. So here is the constructive stuff: 1) Stop being cute and call "afternoon bites" lunch. Also serve lunch for lunch. 2) Hire less staff or build a playpen/corral in back for the extra staff during business hours. 3) Chill your beer. Don't serve it if it's warm. 4) You have bar and a patio, sounds great for brunch right? WRONG because all you have for breakfast items are muffins and other bakery items. Oh boy! A muffin-top and a Bloody Mary please! You could call the combo a Chubby Mary and sell it to no one. Make and sell real breakfast. 5) Tell Chef Doof it's better to take items off the menu than have workarounds. Also, cut the pork belly into pieces. for example, If you are out of cherry tomatoes, gum balls are not a substitute. 6) Manager: don't do your homework for your community college business class at the bar. Also, if I see staff brought their lunch from home, I assume the food sucks there. We'll go back in awhile to see if they are getting their bearings and so they can remember us and spit in my food.

    (2)

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Map

Opening Hours

  • Mon :6:00 am - 11:00pm

Specialities

  • Takes Reservations : No
    Delivery : No
    Take-out : Yes
    Accepts Credit Cards : Yes
    Parking : Private Lot
    Bike Parking : Yes
    Good for Kids : No
    Good for Groups : Yes
    Attire : Casual
    Ambience : Casual
    Noise Level : Average
    Music : Background
    Good For Dancing : No
    Alcohol : Full Bar
    Happy Hour : No
    Best Nights : Thu, Fri, Sat
    Coat Check : No
    Smoking : No
    Outdoor Seating : Yes
    Wi-Fi : Free
    Has TV : Yes

Simpli Bar & Bites

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